Talking to Your Parents When They Just Don’t Understand

Talking to your parents can feel like trying to speak a different language. Maybe you feel like they just don’t “get” what it’s like to be a teen in today’s world—struggling with school, friendships, social media, or mental health. You might try to open up about your feelings, but their responses leave you feeling unheard, frustrated, or like they just don’t understand.

For some teens, this happens because parents grew up in a different time or see things from a completely different perspective. But for others, the challenge runs much deeper. Maybe your parents:

• Shut down emotionally and don’t know how to respond to your feelings.

• Struggle with their own issues, like addiction, stress, or mental health.

• Dismiss your concerns by saying things like, “You’re fine. Stop being dramatic.”

• Are so caught up in their own problems that they don’t make space for yours.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many teens struggle to feel heard when their parents are emotionally unavailable, unsupportive, or even toxic. The good news? There are ways to cope and ways to be heard—even when it feels like your parents aren’t listening. By learning how to communicate in new ways and finding support, you can start to navigate these challenges, feel more understood, and advocate for yourself.

This guide will give you tools to express yourself, set boundaries, and find support when talking to your parents feels impossible.

1. Understanding Why Your Parents Act the Way They Do

Sometimes, parents struggle to connect with their kids—not because they don’t care, but because of their own unresolved issues.

• They might not have learned how to express emotions. If your parents grew up in a home where feelings weren’t talked about, they might not know how to respond to yours.

• They could be dealing with personal struggles. Addiction, stress, financial problems, or mental health issues can make it hard for parents to show up emotionally for their kids.

• They might feel overwhelmed. Sometimes, parents are so caught up in their own challenges that they don’t realize how their behavior affects you.

None of this excuses their actions or makes it okay for them to dismiss you. But understanding where they’re coming from can help you see that their struggles aren’t your fault.

2. Speak Your Truth—Even If It’s Hard

When you’re dealing with emotionally unavailable or dismissive parents, it can be tempting to stop talking to them altogether. But keeping everything bottled up isn’t healthy, either.

Here are some ways to share your feelings, even if your parents aren’t great at listening:

• Be honest and clear. You can say things like:“I feel really alone when I try to talk to you, and you don’t respond.”“I need to share this with someone, and I hope you can be there for me.”

• Don’t expect perfection. If your parents struggle with empathy, they might not give you the exact response you want. Focus on expressing your truth rather than getting the “perfect” reaction.

• Write it down. If talking feels too hard, try writing a letter or note. Sometimes, writing can help you say what you need without getting interrupted.

  
  

3. Set Boundaries to Protect Yourself

If your parents are dismissive, critical, or emotionally unsafe, it’s okay to protect yourself. You don’t have to share everything with them, especially if it leads to arguments or makes you feel worse.

• Decide what you’re willing to share. For example: “I don’t feel comfortable talking about my friendships with you right now because it feels like you don’t understand.”

• Be firm but respectful. You can say: “I want to talk, but not if you’re going to yell or criticize me.”

• Walk away if needed. If the conversation turns hurtful or unproductive, it’s okay to stop. Say something like, “This isn’t helping, so I’m going to take a break. We can talk later.”

Setting boundaries isn’t about being rude or shutting your parents out—it’s about protecting your mental and emotional health.

4. Find Other Safe Adults to Talk To

If your parents can’t provide the support you need, it’s important to find other trusted adults who can listen and help. This might include:

• Teachers or school counselors

• Coaches, mentors, or religious leaders

• Extended family members, like an aunt, uncle, or older cousin

These people can give you a safe space to share your feelings, offer advice, or help you navigate difficult situations with your parents.

It might feel strange at first to open up to someone who isn’t a parent, but remember: you deserve to feel supported and understood. Sometimes, a trusted adult outside your family can provide the perspective and care you need.

5. Build Your Own Coping Skills

When talking to your parents doesn’t go the way you hoped, it’s easy to feel angry, sad, or completely alone. While it’s important to keep reaching out for support, you can also build coping skills to manage those feelings.

• Journaling: Writing about your thoughts and emotions can help you process what you’re going through.

• Creative expression: Drawing, painting, music, or dance can help you release emotions that are hard to put into words.

• Exercise or movement: Physical activity, like walking, running, or yoga, can reduce stress and boost your mood.

• Talking to friends: While your friends might not have all the answers, sharing your feelings with people your age can remind you that you’re not alone.

Coping skills won’t solve everything, but they can help you feel stronger and more in control when things at home feel overwhelming.

6. Remember: It’s Not Your Fault

If your parents aren’t emotionally available or if they struggle with their own issues, it’s not because of you. You didn’t cause their behavior, and it’s not your job to “fix” them.

You might feel like you have to be perfect, hide your feelings, or take care of your parents’ emotions. But the truth is:

• Your needs and feelings matter.

• You don’t have to carry your parents’ struggles on your shoulders.

• You deserve love, support, and understanding—no matter what.

  
  

7. Know When to Seek Professional Help

If your parents’ behavior is affecting your mental health or safety, it’s important to reach out for help. This might include:

• Talking to a school counselor about what’s going on at home.

• Reaching out to a therapist who can help you process your emotions and build coping skills.

• Telling a trusted adult if you feel unsafe at home.

Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re brave enough to take care of yourself. There are people who care about you and want to help you get through this.

You’re Not Alone in This

Talking to your parents when they don’t understand—or when they’re struggling themselves—can feel lonely and frustrating. But remember: you’re not alone. There are ways to express yourself, set boundaries, and find the support you need.

You deserve to be heard, supported, and understood. Whether it’s through journaling, talking to a trusted adult, or reaching out for professional help, there are people and resources out there to help you through.

Your voice matters. Your feelings matter. And no matter what your parents say or do, you matter.